My Vision for Nature

By and large, you’ve done a magnificent job with nature. Let me be the first to congratulate you. I can’t imagine another planet in the Milky Way galaxy with such breathtaking diversity. Look around and what do you see? Mountains, valleys, islands, plains, deserts, forests, oceans, lakes, rivers and even waterfalls. Truly something for everyone. If I may suggest a slight improvement for Earth 2.0, consider adjusting the balance of these topographical features based on their tourism track record. If less than one percent of all tourists in recorded history have ever visited the Sahara Desert, is it worth over three million square miles? Are you with me?

I’ve expressed my frustration with weather on several occasions. To sum up my various recommendations, I’d like you to dial back severe weather by forty percent next time around. I don’t expect sunshine every day of the year, with temperatures ranging from sixty-five to eighty-two. But do Category 5 hurricanes really need to plow through at one hundred fifty-five miles per hour? Under my forty percent plan, they would still create mass havoc at ninety-three miles per hour. Assuming this satisfies your need for windy destruction, it would give people a better chance to protect themselves and their attic full of memorabilia.

While we’re on the subject of destruction, if the earth must quake occasionally, would you be willing to provide forty-eight hours notice? A few suggestions off the top of my head:

• Trees start swaying for no apparent reason
• Clouds turn from light to dark to light in rapid succession, as if blinking for attention
• Dogs suddenly begin walking backwards
• Parakeets cease mimicking their owners and switch to a constant low hum
• Cats stop being so distant and self-absorbed

I don’t know how practical these suggestions would be to implement. Clearly, I’m out of my league here. At the very least, could you give rain its life-sustaining properties without drenching our clothes and hair? If you’re going to create us in your image again, it will be easier to maintain that image if we’re not sopping wet.