Marital Black Box

Arguments. They can pull people apart. Sow seeds of mistrust. Spark insults. Prompt pushing and/or punching. Maybe even trigger the sudden purchase of small firearms. Why not alleviate the agony of arguments by taking the airline industry's "black box" concept to a new level? For Earth 2.0, embed a recording device in our circuitry that allows us to settle arguments by playing back the conversation.

Obviously, every argument between two people should not be resolved by machine. I would start off modestly, until you see if my idea is practical. On the last day of every year, a husband and wife could challenge a decision the other had made during the year by summoning the Marital Black Box. The device would rule definitively on statements such as:

• "You told me I could destroy the pictures from your first wedding."
• "You promised to use a nail clipper and stop trimming your fingernails with your teeth."
• "What do you mean, the flower shop is completely sold out?"
• "I definitely did not agree to polka dot curtains."

If this works, children could hold their parents accountable and politicians could prove they were misquoted. Better yet, prosecutors could take the guesswork out of jury decisions. The world would be a safer, happier and less random place. Doesn't that just give you goose bumps?

An Extra Eye, Please

How about giving humans three eyes next time? Two would be for frontal and peripheral vision, as we have now. The other would be able to see five years into the future. Not every detail, but enough to know whether the person you're engaged to will make whoopee with your best friend, or embark on a five-state robbery spree that prompts your mother to say, "I told you there was something about Yves I didn't like."

A five-year peek into the future also would foretell if the person making you a job offer will turn your life into a living inferno, or if the puppy you want to adopt will never master the art of house training. A third eye could prevent a world of disappointment down here in the trenches. It could be tiny, and would not even require eyebrows. Should be a piece of cake for you!

Banana Color Spectrum

I have always lived in the Northern Hemisphere, far from the banana-growing tropics. More often than not, bananas at grocery stores in my hemisphere are all the same hue. Bright green seems to be the norm. When I bring them home, the interminable waiting begins. Why am I complaining to you about a human supply chain issue? Two reasons...

First of all, I wonder if you're planning to continue the perishable food concept for Earth 2.0. Perishable food is mighty tasty, but let's be honest, much of it goes uneaten because the right number of people in the right geographic region cannot always access perishable food before it turns funky. Human desire and nature's expiration date are not in sync, apparently.

The second reason, and in a sense the larger issue, is that technology sometimes backfires. We didn't have the banana color spectrum problem hundreds of years ago, before airplanes, cargo ships and trucks hauled them from hemisphere to hemisphere. People are giddy about inventing stuff and finding useful purposes for it, but inventions also can be frustrating. Especially if you have a hankering for a ripe banana. Maybe you could find a way for human ingenuity to produce only happy outcomes for all. Food for thought, anyway.

Mud-Free Existence?

A world without mud would be far more enjoyable than the current one, in my opinion. There must be a way to separate rain from dirt. There must! After all, you've separated the sea from the mountains, and the downtrodden from prosperity. Why not confine rain to bodies of water and foliage, which can fully absorb moisture?

In a mud-free existence, one would not have to wipe it off one's shoes or one's dog before entering one's home. This would translate directly into more free time to worship you, honor you, obey you, etc. -- each in our own way. We could spend more time helping the downtrodden, for starters. And the downtrodden could think of more effective ways to improve their situation. There are lots of good things we can do instead of removing mud from our lives. Might you give this some consideration for the new, improved world to come?