My Vision for Plant Life

What can I say? I’m impressed with your approach to plant life. Though primarily green, vegetation really utilizes the entire color spectrum. And nutritionally, there’s something for everyone. Obviously, a lot of thought went into plant life design. Having said that, would it trouble you if I made just a few improvements for Earth 2.0?

#1 – As articulated in Banana Color Spectrum, too much food spoils before it finds the human palate, despite our finest harvesting and supply chain management techniques. If you could chip away at the food waste problem, you would be even more revered than you are now.

#2 – What were you thinking with weeds? Are they the work of your adversary, Satan? For argument’s sake, let’s say you’ve got a soft spot for weeds and they will always have a role on our planet. I have firsthand knowledge that some weeds protect themselves against annihilation via prickly stems. I understand the premise: touch me and you’ll suffer! But why is this true only for a small percentage of weeds? It’s the same with highly prized plants like roses and raspberries. I would choose one or the other: prick your finger on plants that make you frown or that make you smile. Many of us appreciate simple rules that are consistently enforced. Well, I do anyway.

#3 – This is the least important of my concerns, but could you arrange it so we can easily open all pistachio nuts? In every bag of raw pistachio nuts that has come into my life, it seems 5-8% fall into the “nearly impossible to access” category. Again, a waste of your good work.

#4 (setup) – All of these ideas should be simple for you to fix. The real challenge will be to take photosynthesis to unheard of levels. According to a book I own that retails for $24.95, photosynthesis removes carbon dioxide from the air, supercharges plant growth, and then releases oxygen for all land-based critters to enjoy. (I’m paraphrasing.) Something potentially harmful is turned into something life-sustaining. If photosynthesis wore a black hat, it would be a magician. So, even if a tree is boring (e.g., ash), by keeping it alive, photosynthesis benefits man, woman, beast and bug alike.

#4 (action item) – Can this same concept be extended to provide an entire new layer of benefits to humankind? Instead of sending prophets down here to disseminate your thoughts, appoint special people to serve as Tranquility Agents. Give them the power to absorb fear, danger and (if you want to go all out) indecision – and release the opposite qualities. Don’t laugh, but these agents could be half-human, half-plant. Human torso, legs and head, but arms like weeping willows. And bananas for ears. You’re laughing, aren’t you?