Feedback Frenzy

As you know, I brought my 2008 Honda Civic Hybrid into the dealership yesterday for a 15,000-mile service appointment. I arrived at 8:12 a.m. and picked it up at 1:32 p.m. It was ready at 10:35 a.m., but I couldn't get there until 2 hours and 57 minutes later. Today, I was contacted twice to complete a survey about my service experience: (1)  9:33 a.m. e-mail with a link to an online survey, and (2) 11:05 a.m. phone call by a female machine. I hung up. Wanna know why? I'll tell you anyway: because rotating tires, replacing oil and testing a battery are not the most important things in life. At least not in my life. I felt hounded, pestered, badgered and hunted down like a fugitive from the law.

Oh, I dream of living in Earth 2.0! I'm sure there will be unpleasantness, maybe even wickedness. But I certainly hope future people can complete simple transactions without being peppered for feedback via two different communication mediums a mere 1 hour and 32 minutes apart. Please give this serious consideration because it is distracting us from performing deeds that will gain us entry into heaven. Don't you want us to be there with you -- instead of with Lucifer in his hellish inferno?

Crumbling Infrastructure

If my front porch wasn't crumbling before my eyes, I wouldn't have to repair it. I would have more money to help people who lose their homes in natural disasters -- like the earthquake that devastated Haiti a few weeks ago and claimed 200,000 lives. Sure, I could send money to a relief agency. But what about the next massive upheaval in another part of the world? And the one after that? If I came to everyone's rescue except me and my porch, it would lower the value of my house when I decided to sell it. This would be bad news for future earthquake, tornado, hurricane, typhoon and tsunami victims.

For Earth 2.0, maybe you could fix it so people wouldn't have to make agonizing decisions like these. Have a team of geniuses create an information clearinghouse of everyone's income and expenses (password-protected, obviously). For example, I would enter my financial data into the clearinghouse, select "I want to help others," and then be assigned a reasonable sum to pay toward resolving all current global crises -- while leaving me enough to cover my personal expenses. Everybody wins!

You could monitor this for a couple centuries, and then tweak if necessary. What do you think? Am I crazy?

Your Foot Soldiers

This morning, two foot soldiers for the Lord (Jehovah's Witnesses) approached my domicile (four-bedroom bungalow) in order to engage me in conversation about spiritual issues involving you (God) and your son (Jesus). Though my dog (Emma) barked at the impeccably dressed duo, I did not move from where I stood (kitchen) until they walked south to the next house (neighbors).

With all due respect, home intrusion is not the best way to spread the "good news." In theory, we should already know how great you are. Many of us do, I'll grant you that, but many others place their ego first or else dismiss you as a jerk for allowing evil into the world. For Earth 2.0, how about not having Jehovah's Witnesses walk door-to-door delivering pamphlets that encourage us to surrender to your will? Instead, implant an invisible microchip in our brains that can read these pamphlets before they're delivered.

Academic Grades

I'm sure you're aware of all the anxiety caused by educational systems that assign letter grades for class performance. The aspirations of many talented people are jettisoned when they do not achieve the minimum grade point average that society requires for advancing to the next plane of existence. However, once people join the workforce, performance is not measured via the familiar A, B, C, D and F grades (we'll talk about E in a minute). That's quite a disconnect.

Consider programming the new human race to make the educational experience less restrictive and more enjoyable. Allow kids to learn what they want to learn and get on with their lives. If that's not practical, how about a compromise? Students would receive a phrase that mirrors their performance in a given subject, and they could decide if they're satisfied or if they want to improve.

For example...
All things are possible if you do not stray from this path
Better than most of your peers!
Complacency is not a very good quality, if you think about it
Danger is right around the corner, young man/lady
Ever think about applying yourself instead of goofing around so much?

The First Bird's Nest

We know why birds build nests. We also know how, where and when. But we'll never know the origin of nest-building. History is silent on the avian pioneer that first thought, "This lack of protection is killing the little ones. I've had enough, gosh darn it all!"

Mysteries like this keep us from feeling too confident in our intellectual capacity. Some knowledge will always be out of reach. This promotes inquisitiveness, which in turn spurs inventions that make life on earth more comfortable and enjoyable. If we knew how birds got the idea to build nests for their babies -- or how an ancient caterpillar that was so unhappy with its self-image figured out how to become a chrysalis and then a butterfly -- there's no way we would have those little round robot vacuum cleaners. Etc.