If This, Then That

I don’t think humans are held fully accountable for their actions. Too often, people who behave in a rude or selfish manner emerge victorious. Their victims are left to sulk, with no recourse to complain in a meaningful or effective way. Why? Because the winners are usually stronger or more important than the lesser beings who they demean. There may be other explanations, but the point is, their actions should have consequences.

Here are a few consequences you may wish to consider for Earth 2.0:

• If you smite someone, your field would wither. No questions asked.
• If you tease someone based on their ethnicity or place of origin, your pants would mysteriously fall to your ankles the next time you’re in a crowd.
• If you have intimate relations outside the marriage – without permission from your spouse – you would age twice as fast as normal.
• If you circumvent the legal system to preserve or enhance your fortune, your children would either disown you or cause you eternal sorrow by some other means.

Give everyone a fair chance to avoid these grave consequences by revealing your intentions to a prophet disguised as a children’s author. Command the prophet-author to write a classic book that everyone will have heard or read many times before reaching puberty. Have the prophet call the book, If This, Then That.

Am I nuts? Or did I nail it?

Rethink Duality

Good and evil. Light and darkness. Happiness and tragedy. Wealth and poverty. Seinfeld and Jersey Shore. Are opposites really necessary? Or do we want to believe this in order to make sense of the universe and our place within it? I’m hoping that duality is something you figured would be cool, but are willing to reconsider for Earth 2.0 – given the problems it has caused on Earth 1.0.

I realize it may be impractical to have nothing but sunshine, happiness and top-notch TV shows. Life would have no texture unless there was something to complain about. Would you consider Duality Lite? Instead of a fifty-fifty split, make life on earth two-thirds pleasant and one-third problematic.

For example, nasty ass dictators would rule one-third as long as they do now. Wars would claim two-thirds fewer lives. Children would take our advice two out of three times instead of one out of three times. Temperatures would be one-third warmer in northern climates and one-third cooler in southern climates. Regardless of the climate, there would be one-third as many weeds in a typical yard. Just a few ideas to get you jump-started.

Bottom line: Every member of the human race would feel better about life on Earth 2.0 than they do on Earth 1.0. You would benefit, too, because people would be two-thirds more spiritual and would sin one-third as often. Can you imagine what Earth 3.0 would be like???

1 Thank You = 1 Travel Credit

I read an article this morning by a German woman who recounted her recent travels throughout South America while completing a college degree. I was envious of her ability to see the world, considering that I'm pretty much anchored in the southeastern corner of an upper Midwestern state. Plus, I know from prior writings that this woman – an airline pilot – has been to many exotic locales in Europe and Africa. I realize that she is seeing more of the planet than I am because we chose different paths in life. But it seems unfair that not everyone who wishes to travel extensively has the opportunity to do so.

That’s where you come in, God. For the next rev, I ask that you level the playing field. People like the above-mentioned pilot would have no restrictions on travel. Neither would those who can afford to travel at will. Allow everyone else to earn one travel credit for each “thank you” uttered. You keep score, but please make sure that travel is commensurate with public displays of gratitude. A sincere “thank you” would include examples like this:

• “Thanks for dinner, Mom. It was yummy.”
• “Thanks for getting that stain out of my favorite shirt, honey. You’re the best!”
• “Thanks for doing my homework, sis, so I could watch a live televised sporting event of immense significance.”

To prevent abuse, no one would know that thanking someone equates to a travel credit. It would just mysteriously happen. Like waking up from a dream and realizing that you’re not in prison for the rest of your life.