Pre-Washed Spinach

I hope the person who first brought pre-washed spinach to market is retiring in paradise, with handmaidens and footservants a bell-ring away. It’s such a simple concept: a guy or gal wants to eat spinach, not wash it and meticulously pat it dry. Just rip the bag open and put a couple handfuls on a plate! Why did it take us thousands of years to reach this ideal food procurement state?

I wonder if your plans for Earth 2.0 include fixing problems like this right from the get-go. For instance, if shellfish are coming back, maybe you could redesign their tough exteriors to break down gradually from the moment of their passing to when meal preparation begins. Moms and Dads would have more free time to spend with their offspring, thus increasing their chances of success when they leave the nest.

“Gradual exoskeleton degradation,” as I’m calling it, also would reduce the cost of restaurant entrees like shrimp, scallops and the widely popular seafood medley because chefs would be more productive. Diners would have more money to spend making themselves or others happier. Who could argue with that?

Shellfish is just one example of how you can expand upon the pre-washed spinach concept. New consumer products that require “some assembly” could gradually assemble themselves once the box is opened. Alternatively, the various components could move into position and wiggle gently when ready for human intervention (e.g., screwdriver, wrench). In addition to saving time, it will prevent cursing and frustration that brings out the worst in humanity.

Is it just me, or do you also think my suggestion is brilliant?