17 Miles Per Hour

This has been on my "Tell God" list for quite awhile, but after following a very slow driver this morning, I have to bring it to your attention. Heading south on a two-lane street in my sleepy village, I found myself slowing down to 17 miles per hour to avoid a collision with the car in front of me. The speed limit sign said 25 miles per hour. Clearly, the driver felt comfortable navigating at 32% below the speed limit. On one hand, I admired her for not driving recklessly to please fellow motorists. On the other hand, I wished the street had four lanes. But it did not. And that's where you come in.

When two people want different things at the same moment in time, but cannot both have them, why not allow one person to temporarily inhabit a parallel dimension? Let's say I chose that option this morning. My car would still be visible, but it would be grayed out (like choices in a software program that are unavailable) and my shadow would be behind the wheel. I would actually be driving above the street at my customary 32 miles per hour, invisible to those who remained in their native dimension. I could rejoin the world at any time, presumably after I passed Ms. 17.

As soon as I touched down, my grayed-out car would vaporize. I would now be driving in front of my adversary, who would no doubt be startled. But that's a good thing. Perhaps this would teach her an important life lesson: Don't drive slower than the speed limit unless you're being (1) pummeled by rain, (2) blanketed by snow, or (3) enshrouded in fog.

If this concept proves feasible on Earth 2.0, you'd be silly to confine it to traffic flow. Defenseless people would love to flip a switch and be spared an oncoming bullet, an unwanted penis, and things of that nature.