Your Foot Soldiers

This morning, two foot soldiers for the Lord (Jehovah's Witnesses) approached my domicile (four-bedroom bungalow) in order to engage me in conversation about spiritual issues involving you (God) and your son (Jesus). Though my dog (Emma) barked at the impeccably dressed duo, I did not move from where I stood (kitchen) until they walked south to the next house (neighbors).

With all due respect, home intrusion is not the best way to spread the "good news." In theory, we should already know how great you are. Many of us do, I'll grant you that, but many others place their ego first or else dismiss you as a jerk for allowing evil into the world. For Earth 2.0, how about not having Jehovah's Witnesses walk door-to-door delivering pamphlets that encourage us to surrender to your will? Instead, implant an invisible microchip in our brains that can read these pamphlets before they're delivered.